a September to remember
& other things
i think i am the way i am because i was a c-section premie and kept in that incubator for 9 days. i have always slept alone, according to my parents, and even as an infant/co-dependent little tot, i prefered to do things myself - completely independently - than with anyone by my side. i even remember potty training myself.
i also blame montessori school and art school for making me the way i am. a constant emphasis on personal choice and academic exploration and gardening (?) and leaning into your strengths and taking your time and teamwork and building something greater than yourself just for fun and really encouraging creative expression has not bode well in my working, adult life - which is fine!
it’s not my fault. every morning, God (the principal of my elementary school) got on the announcements and told us to ‘always ask questions’ and that’s exactly what i do.i’ve realized people really like me until i start asking questions. which has taught me to just go with the flow to the best of my ability until i feel as though my creative and expressive freedoms are being infringed upon, in which case, i start asking questions.
pardon me for following instructions.
i finally washed my hair and vacuumed my floors and now i feel worthy of love. it was a rough 2 weeks. there should never be that much gel caked onto my scalp or cat hair caked onto my carpet ever again.
in september, i:
upgraded my ipad which was a choice i made in a moment of extreme weakness. but i don’t regret it. i am obsessed with my blue ipad mini. she fits in my back pocket. she acts as a small, portable computer but also serves as a kindle in addition to a doomscrolling/brain rot vessel/large phone when it’s time to sit on the couch, which is so often.
have grappled with my demand avoidance and optimization OCD which are two things i will not elaborate on.
engaged in many mental battles regarding my annoyance and impatience for people who just can’t figure it out for themselves and need you to figure it out for them. i think some people love to suffer, which is literally not a sentiment that i personally could disagree with more. i have very little to no patience for helplessness and the desire to be coddled or coddle. perhaps i am a very cold person for this, which is probably related to the aforementioned incubator holiday.
came to the conclusion that excuses are addicting and i’m stone cold sober.
rediscovered just how insane and anti-Black and racist most people are. activism and social justice is a hobby that a very specific demographic chooses to participate in when they find a worthy cause, which is hardly the problem i am experiencing. the problem is the act of being anti-Black. it’s annoying and performative and demands an audience and a victim, as all stupid and evil things do, to which more often than not, i am on the receiving end of due to being Black. leave me alone. go away. if you just want to be mean and annoying to a Black person for fun, can I direct you to Chris Brown or Tory Lanez?
conquered a few fears (with the help of my microdose SSRI)
Stood on Business
When I run for President
everyone is getting an iPad, 2 free cosmetic surgeries of their choosing, a pair of over-the-head headphones and a pack of AirTags.
schools will do a better job of allowing easy access to the arts and every child (regardless of age) will know their home address, parents names, birthdays, emails and how to effectively use Google.
energy drinks will be banned.